Imperfection is beautiful, but yet undesired. It does provide room for positiveness to thrive and eventually blossom, and with a bit of luck, potentially change a person/object into something of a serendipitous and wondrous nature. We, as humans, constantly seek perfection within ourselves and our surroundings, subconsciously as times, but always looking to correct the flaws and smoothen the edges of stuff we deem less than perfect. We try improve the world in a whole myriad of ways that exceed the confines of human imagination. Just like how soot can transform into diamonds, we all strive to improve ourselves in the bid to someday become that shiny jewel we all dream to be.
Let’s say you want to improve yourself right now at this very moment – be it physically, mentally or spiritually – what quality or characteristic (that comes to mind) would you like to add to your existing repertoire?
Naturally, different people would have varying answers, depending on the stage of life they are at, or the mood they are in when the question was popped. Ask a depressed man who has just been retrenched, and he might spew out a whole list that would make anyone feel demoralized because he is down in the trenches. Ask a happy man who has just won the lottery, and he might struggle to come up with anything at all because he is in temporary bliss. If you were to ask me for traits that I would like to possess or do better in, those that pop up in my 30-second self-evaluation would probably be:
I tend to view myself as quietly confident at times, but fragile as fuck the next. A seemingly innocuous comment, action or event might have a considerable impact on my confidence level and make me feel inadequate or insecure. Of course, as I grew older and wiser, this happens to a much lesser extent, but it would be awesome to have a special kind of confidence that does not ever waver, regardless of what others think. But of course, it is difficult to draw the line between confidence and arrogance, and one must be aware of one’s limits and capabilities, albeit the saying “the sky’s the limit”.
Admittedly, I was, or still am a some extent, a socially awkward person who is adapting to social norms by learning the ropes of how to interact with people as I gradually mature into adulthood. Talking to people drains me of energy at times but that is by no small measure due to my introverted personality. Not much of a conversationalist to start with, I look at friends and people who demonstrate enthralling stage presence or captivate audiences using their impressive oratory skills with a tinge of envy, wishing I could do the same with similar zest and verve.
Fickle-mindedness is not necessarily a flaw; evaluating every option before making a choice is a wise thing to do. However, there is a fine line between being meticulous and indecisive, and I try not to fall into the category of the latter. Sometimes amidst uncertainty and ambiguity, one has to take a leap of faith and hope for the best. As they say, time waits for no man and one has to seize the window of opportunity that comes along, instead of over-thinking things all the time, every single time. I feel that I have not taken the opportunities present in front of me well, and this is perhaps something which I have to work on.
Sure, there are more traits which I would like to improve on, but those are more trivial and perhaps not things that come to mind right now. As I write this, personal reflection has brought about a sudden dawn, an enlightening if you will, an illumination upon the one quality which I feel is often overlooked but is oh, so very important – consistency. Throughout my life so far, I have never been much of a fan of consistency, or rather, I have seldom reflected consistency in my actions (until maybe recently :p)
Being capable of brilliance at one moment and stupidity the next, this has also been reflected in my academic results and other aspects of life as well. It is utterly impractical to be really awesome for a brief instance but go back to being awful again; it is no different from being mediocre right from the start. Based on personal observation and experience, consistency can be applied to almost everything we do for us to see results. It is from these results that we derive satisfaction, which serves as a form of positive reinforcement for us to want to continue these positive habits, in what I would like to term as a “positive cycle”.
Procrastination, on the other hand, is the arch-nemesis to consistency, because it is the evil voice inside our heads telling us that “today is not a good day”, “there is always time tomorrow”, “you have something else more important to do”. Many of us are guilty of succumbing to procrastination, and it is one of the barriers which stop us from growing and realizing our potential. It is so difficult to kick-start a positive cycle because of inertia, but so easy to fall into the vicious cycle of procrastination because it requires you to do literally nothing – you simply slide into it.
From secondary school up till the start of my 3rd semester in university, I have always lacked consistency in schoolwork and always walked into examinations with an incomplete knowledge of the syllabus. I was an avid supporter of procrastination and it affected my health and self-esteem as well because I was overweight and unfit. This affected my confidence because I always saw myself as less adept and worthy as compared to my peers. However, I soon realized that one need not work hard, but rather work smart. How? Make sure that I revise my work on a consistent basis instead of delaying everything to the end. Make sure to do some pull-ups before going home, no matter how tired I am. No matter how small the action, it all adds up. I believe that one would gain more from taking the stairs every day of a month than running a single marathon for the whole month.
“Procrastination is like masturbation, in the beginning it feels good, but in the end, you’re just f***ing yourself!” – No idea who said this but it is true
Admittedly, I am starting to procrastinate on my fitness goals – my physical condition is no where near my initial aims for the past month. I haven’t been exercising regularly and it has been a case of 3 steps forward and 2 steps back when it comes to gymming/working out. I need to stop finding excuses and just do it. Like really just get up go out and do it.
P.S. This post is 1 day overdue, and I feel bad. Because I promised myself to write a new blog post weekly. Since I started my first post on a Monday, I shall keep to that promise and write one every Monday from now on. Cheers to consistency!